The Art of Letting Go

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” – Brigette Nicole

I wish someone, somewhere along the line, gave me a rule book to navigate through loss. Not loss like death, rather loss of someone still living. I honestly understand death more than I understand leaving and letting go. What do you do when people leave? What do you do when people change? What do you do when you are forced with a decision to try harder or let things be as they are?

After prayer, reading through many quotes on Pinterest, and talking to some of the people I love most in this world, I have come to this conclusion: if it doesn’t bring you joy, let it go.

Letting go is not something that comes natural or easy to me. I do the fighting and the trying harder. I do the “let’s talk this through”. I give and give and give for the people I love, because I believe everyone deserves multiple chances, even at the dispense of my own happiness. I have learned [[through much struggle]] in the last 4-5 years that life takes people all different kinds of directions, some good and some bad. I have learned not to be critical of where anyone is at, because I’ve definitely had low points, too. Just because someone isn’t where you are, doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It means they are where they need to be for a purpose that only God can know and understand.

I know people say that relationships take work, and I do agree with that in a sense. I’ve found that the best ones really don’t take much of my energy, though. Actually, loving my husband, family and closest friends is enjoyable for me, and I really don’t look at it as work, even when things are hard. When you really love someone, even the hard stuff is still good because it’s progression - you’re working toward something as a team. People have told me over the last couple of years that if you really want to make a relationship work, you will find the time to make it work. The thing is that time is a two-way street. I can think of a couple different relationships in particular where I consistently tried to make time for that person, and it was not reciprocated. Yes, people may say, “we need to get together”, but do the actions line up? Maybe. Sometimes. But overall, no. {{I have been guilty of this in some of my friendships and relationships.}} If you have to keep trying, keep pursuing, keep asking, with no result, that is exhausting and draining. One of my very best friends told me recently, “you have to learn how to set boundaries, and you have to keep setting those boundaries for yourself every day and every moment, and that’s really hard”. She also said, “there are people who just don’t deserve your friendship”. I could go on many, many ramblings in having issues understanding my own worth (probably that will be another blog post), but here is what I know, if people don’t understand your worth, they don’t deserve you. Who you invest your time in is a direct reflection of what you believe you deserve. In the end, I’ve learned this: am I investing way more of my time and energy into making things work than the other party? If yes, then it’s time to take a step back and evaluate if it’s worth more time and energy. It doesn’t mean you don’t still love and care for the person, but it likely means they don’t feel the same way towards you. If they did, things would be different. People who love you will always set aside the time.

I have a thing with closure. I think for me, it’s because I want finality. I want things to change or I want things to end. I don’t know what it is in my Type A brain that processes things this way, but nonetheless, it’s how I have operated in my life. I’m not a sweep-things-under-the-rug kind of person. I’m a let’s-confront-the-problem-and-fix-it person...or it just needs to go away. Any more, I’m learning that it’s okay to let things just be as they are. It doesn’t always mean that things have to end, but it does mean that moving on must occur. Change happens, life happens, I have learned these things. Sometimes, things and people come back around when it’s time for them to come back around. Clearly, God has a plan bigger than I can see right now. And that’s okay. I can find my peace in that.

Today, I’m spending time thanking God for the people who never left. Sometimes I am filled with overflowing joy, because I look at all of these wonderful people the Lord has given me. What precious gifts of truth and love they are. I am so, so blessed.