Learning a Healthy Life

For a long, long time, I have been praying about starting a blog. There were a lot of reasons why I didn’t and haven’t. I didn’t want people to view me as a girl who broadcasted something openly, because I wanted some kind of attention. I didn’t want the hassles of having to keep up with it. I didn’t want any kind of judgment or criticism that came with posting my thoughts and feelings. I could always come up with reason after reason…until today. I have decided today I forget about what people think and jump into this.

In college was when I learned my passion for writing. It became therapeutic for me, and I really fell in love with it. When I was away at USI, I felt like I really came to know who I was – my personality, my strengths, my weaknesses, my identity. It honestly was a time of self-discovery, if you will. Writing was a large part of that, coupled with best friends and Jesus Christ. I can recall countless memories sitting on the floor of our dorm room or the apartment having what my girls and I would call “deep talks” until late hours of the night. Those deep talks led us to write many, many things that we later combined and called the Tripod Quote Book. I still have my old computer from college just because that document is on that laptop.

All that to say – writing helped me find me in an odd and bizarre kind of way. Writing it all down made me feel like I was going somewhere. Writing made me realize how many mistakes I made. Writing made me realize how good I had it. Writing showed me on a piece of paper who I was becoming – and whether I liked that person or not. It was one way I kept myself in check.

No one prepares you for what comes after college. Yes, you have an idea in your head. But it truly is so different. (I don’t know if everyone feels this way, but it’s how I felt). May of 2013, I graduated nursing school, went on to pass my boards in June, and started the job search. Unfortunately, there were many things that kept me from getting a job right away. The summer of 2013, IU Health, St. Vincent and St. Francis were all laying off nurses. Long story short, I was forced to look south if I wanted a job. Columbus Regional Hospital ended up being my place of employment, and I know full and well that this is exactly where God wanted me to start my nursing career. I was finally out of my pit of depression from not being able to find a job; I put on my scrubbies, pulled back my hair, and went to work in October of 2013. For those of you who don’t know me, I ended up getting a job on an adult psychiatric unit. I fell in love with mental health nursing. And that has been my home for almost the last 4 years.

In my time at CRH, I really feel like I eventually lost sight of what it meant to be healthy, and that is no one’s fault but my own. I worked any shift that was asked of me. I never said ‘no’. I stopped exercising and eating healthy. I started neglecting my own mental health. I stopped making time for the Lord. I stopped writing. Big girl world just wasn’t as glamorous as I thought, even if there was a comma in my paycheck. The day-to-day got the best of me, and in the process, I lost sight of what was really important in my life. Like I said, I blame no one for this. This is all on me.

If I’m being totally transparent, I would say I have let my walk with the Lord get dangerously distant at times. I wasn’t making time for Him daily. I was living for myself or living for the approval of others. Neither of which are glorifying to the Lord. But like I said in the first paragraph, today that changes.

I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord, and as a result, I want to be a light for Him and I want to look just like Him.
I want to be a good wife to my husband.
I want to be a good daughter and a good friend.
I want to live my life serving others but not living for their approval.
I want to continue to learn more about myself.
I want to write.

And if you want to read what God is doing in my heart, then I would love for you to be a part of it. If you know me, you know I’m a girl’s girl. I love all things girl chat, girl time, and girl encouragement. I am a relator. I am a feeler. I am a daughter to the Risen Savior. This is exactly who I am.  

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